Dot to Dot

If given a highly detailed several numbered dot to dot puzzle, more than likely - before even looking for a writing utensil, I would stare at it. I would analyze it. I would compare it to things I have seen before. I would try with all of my might to figure out the whole picture. Before I would even put a pen to the paper, I would first try to get a clear picture of what all the dots were ultimately coming together to form.

While talking with a great friend a couple of weeks ago, I got this picture in my head and realized I do the very same thing with my life. When faced with decisions, or challenged to take steps - I look at each step, I try to see where it may lead, what the bigger picture is - the ultimate destination. I want to know the full story, and if I don't I will make a valiant effort to write it. As if it were some type of Mad Lib puzzle, I'd fill in the missing pieces with my limited and often out of context knowledge, and convince myself that it is the Gospel. After suggesting I take a Valium my friend offered this axiom, "analysis breeds paralysis." Ha! That, unfortunately, could resemble me.

Additionally, I have come to understand that while I have tried to reassure myself with the fact that God clearly spoke to me that this season would be temporary, I have not been encouraged beyond the surface with that. It's occured to me that I only find relief in the knowledge that something is temporary if I know exactly just how temporary it is and what will happen next.

And as much as I hate to admit, I know that these realities of my DNA reveal a greater presence of doubt and control than they do faith. God change me. Teach me to be present where I am. Teach me to respect the now and enjoy the journey. Take control. I trust you not just with things seen, but with things unseen - and I am learning to be content with what I don't know. I will do less figuring and more following (even though in the back of my mind, as I write this, I want to analyze the level of sense in that statement.) Oh boy, I am so not there yet.